The Smashers go to Church
by cswoman
Summary: When the Smashers are forced to go to church by Master Hand what chaos will insure? Read on!
1. Church is no place for us!

AN/ This is my first fic, so please review! I don't care if you flame, just review. If you like it I might add another chapter, I'm open for suggestions.

Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, or church. But I do own my socks! **Does Gannondorf's evil laugh and runs of before he can throttle me.**

The Smashers go to Church 

It was Sunday morning, not that it usually meant anything to the smashers. They normally just sat around doing nothing. However this Sunday Master Hand had gotten sick and tired of that. He called all the smashers to the main hall to make a very important announcement.

"As you all know this is Sunday," He began, "So instead of just sitting around you are going to go to a Christian church."

"What!" Link shouted "I'm not even Christian, plus there's no way I'm giving up sitting on my butt for some stupid ceremony!"

Master Hand tried to look at him skeptically, but then realized he had no eyes. He sighed; sometime these teenagers could be so difficult! "You will to go," He said as menacingly as he could, which was pretty menacing considering he was a glove. "Or I will dump your butt back in the forest you came from and you can spend the rest of your life with the Kokoriki, got that!"

Link gulped and nodded feebly. The rest of the smashers sighed and sulked. Peach pulled a beet from the ground and hugged it. Master Hand surveyed the group and then left, feeling very satisfied. The smashers just stood there for another five minutes before Marth broke the silence. "I think we should go get ready." He suggested. The group agreed and half-heartedly walked off to get dressed.

So after several chaotic events, (which I am to lazy to write), the Smashers where ready. They had all congregated in the main hall of the mansion, and where milling about aimlessly. Samus had gone to the corner of the room and stayed there pouting, she wasn't about to go showing her face to the entire world. Unfortunately, for Samus, Master Hand showed up at that very moment spoiling her plans.

"Okay everyone, time to go to church!" He cried sounding like a five-year-old girl. The Smashers stared blankly at him. "Fine," He said grumpily, sounding quite put off "Just get into the darn portal."

The Smashers lined, tallest to shortest, and started to walk through the portal. Master hand nearly cracked a rib, er knuckle, from contained laughter. This was due to the fact that all the smashers, despite being in their nicest attire, where completely geared up. Even Samus had found some way to chug her weapons along (she had attached her chozo cannon to her arm).

Finally Master Hand got tired of substituting knuckles for ribs and burst out laughing. Peach glared at him, and secured her cast iron frying pan, as she walked through the portal. Master Hand kept laughing. Finally Link got tired of the gloves hysterical giggles, (I would to), and "accidentally" through his boomerang at him. Link whistled innocently at he stepped through the portal, catching his weapon behind his back. Unfortunately, he was a bit to wrapped up in whistling Mozart's Moonlight Sonata that he accidentally ran into Zelda.

The two of them tumbled through the portal and crashed into a red-carpeted floor. Zelda gasped trying to inhale air, and not succeeding, due to Link having fallen on top of her. "Can't breath…" The poor princess gasped.

Link blushed and quickly got off her, and hoisted her onto her feet. He stared around him at the vast room they where in. At the front was a loft that had an organ in it, and a stand with a microphone. There where pieces of fabric, with embroidered crosses on them everywhere, and large pews with people sitting in them. They where all staring at the smashers, who stood taking in their surroundings, or, in Zelda's case, gasping for breath.

Finally Roy got tired of this and turned to the nearest onlooker. "WHAT?" He screamed, very agitated. "Haven't you ever seen a bunch of warriors, from alternate universes, all drop through a portal into a sanctuary because of a giant talking glove?" The spectators just stared at him. "Guess not," He muttered and followed the rest of the Smashers into a pew, just as people in yellow robes started to fill in the loft.

A small girl in a white robe walked down the isle carrying a lit candle lighter. Roy eyes lit up, and as soon as the girl was seated, having lit the candles, and the choir started singing he snuck off. He wasn't the only one, Zelda had spied a harp and teleported over to it, hoping no one would notice the strong gust of wind. Link did, and he snuck off to join Zelda, as she softly started playing the song of storms. Gradually she got louder, but luckily the music blended in nicely. The Link pulled out The Ocarina of Time and joined her. The music resonated and resolved in the entire sanctuary being drenched. Zelda and Link stopped playing and dejectedly walked back to their seats.

Marth tapped Link on the shoulder, and then pointed to where Roy's seat was and then to where the little girl's was. Link put two and two together, "Let's go," he whispered and they snuck off to find the missing pyromaniac.

"Okay," The Minister said, a little annoyed, into the microphone on the stand. "Welcome, It good to see you all in the House of the Lord today, we also have a couple of announcements to make." The Minister continued his announcements, and then asked if there was anything he missed.

"I GOT THE ROSERIES!" Bowser cried storming forward and dumping a pile of holy necklaces on the Methodist minister despite his obvious objections they where not catholic. He stormed back to his seat and nodded, satisfied, at the Minister struggling with the heavy pile of rosaries.

"Mmpphh." He said, which translated to, "Let us pray," The entire sanctuary, minus the Smashers, bowed their heads. They didn't understand what he had said, they where just very used to the routine.

Suddenly Fox freaked out because he saw a fly. He screamed like a Barbie doll would and ran up Gannondorf. Fox sat there trembling and crying until Falco blasted the fly. He then shimmied down from a very angry Gannondorf.

"Heh, heh. Sorry, pathological fear of flies." He explained, turning magenta, which, in Peach's opinion, clashed horribly with his rusty brown fur.

The minister, who had now escaped the rosaries and was very annoyed, he bowed his head and started the prayer. It was long, and through the whole thing the Smashers just stood there looking stupid as the organ played lightly in the background.

The prayer ended in," Are father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us of our trespasses, as we forgive those wh-" BANG!

Link, Roy, and Marth came crashing through the ceiling and landed in the middle of the sanctuary covered in dusk. There was a shriek as the little girl came falling through the hole and was caught by Marth. Every one stared blankly at the three swordsmen as they stood up and Marth put the girl down.

"Quick someone,' Roy whispered, "Do something completely obnoxious and uncalled for."

Link not knowing what he was doing suddenly fund that his feet had carried him to beside Zelda. The princess gave him a look that clearly said, "I don't know what you did but boy are you toast!" Link looked at her for a moment longer, then grabbed her shoulders and kissed her.

"That qualifies." Roy said blankly, staring and the two Hylians as Link pulled away from Zelda and let go of her.

"Um, insert comment that will get me out of this." Link tried as Zelda stood there looking at him like he was Captain Falcon in a bikini. _Crud, how am I going to get out of this one? _Link thought desperately. Then a thought hit him, _Might as well tell her the truth now. _

"Zel, I love you." He started, "I always have, even if I just kissed you because Roy said to do something completely obnoxious and uncalled for."

Zelda grinned broadly at him and threw her arms around his neck. Her eyes where slightly teary and Link hugged her close. The two of them where in there own world and it took quite a bit of aheming, from the Minister, to bring them back to ours. (Glances around wildly for random Nintendo character.)

The rest of the service passed a bit more smoothly, except for one part when, during the offering, Mr. Game and Watch had emitted a series of beeps that Samus translated into, "I have to oil, do you have a 2-D bathroom?"

The next hazard was during communion. The Smashers where all kneeling at the reacceptance rail politely drinking their juice and eating their bred when the minister explained that they where the blood and body of Jesus Christ. After that there was a bit of screaming, barfing, and evil laughing.

The Smashers where all week kneed with relief when church ended. They rushed out causing a safety hazard and knocking over several stacks of Holy Bibles. As soon as they got outside Samus pulled out a cloak and tugged the hood on. Captain Falcon snorted and earned himself a kick in the shins.

"I'm famished!" Peach declared promptly, "Let's go eat over there." She pointed to a McDonald's and the smashers nodded vigorously. They all ran off glad to be free of that dratted Christian church.

AN/ Didyalikeit, huhhuhdidya? Remember I open for flames, praise, and constructive criticism. Tell me if you want me to put another chapter and feel free to suggest things. Just remember they'll be at McDonald's! **Gasp** It's Gannondorf, gotta fly! **Rum from the insane dark wizard who will not let me go for steeling his laugh. **


	2. McDonalds can be scary!

The Horrors of McGriddles! 

The Smashers, who had just previously escaped church, where now standing in McDonald's. Zelda looked around and, being the bright one, took a time of three minutes to figure out the ordering system.

"Okay troops," she stated, earning herself a skeptical look from most of the smashers. Ignoring this she continued, "See the flashy, shiny billboard thingies with food on them? Well, you have to order that food, which is held behind that counter. Got me so far guys? ………. Guys?"

The Smashers had long since abandoned Zelda's long boring monologue and, upon hearing where the food was held, started a "tribal meeting" to steel it. So far they had gotten, well, nowhere. At that very moment Zelda, the brains of these sorts of things, showed up.

"Zellie!" Peach squealed, "Yay! Now we can get somewhere!"

Zelda eyed Peach, slightly annoyed, and preceded, "Well we're going to need a spy, a distraction, and a thief. Any volunteers?"

Samus raised her hand, "Spy" She muttered, her hood still low on her face.

Zelda nodded, "Go figure out where each of the food is kept, and see if you can work out the best way to smuggle it." Samus walked off.

"I'll smuggle it! OHH! OHH! PICK ME! PICK ME!" Gannondorf squealed, much like Master Hand did in chapter one.

"Um, let me see," Link pretended to look serious, "NO!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Gannondorf ran off crying.

At that very moment Samus slipped back into the group and told them all the info she had asked one of the employees about.

"YOU ASKED AN EMPLOYEE HOW TO SMUGGLE FOOD!" Bowser yelled shocked. "I think I'm going to faint! Auuuuuh!"

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight," Zelda said, "Link how about you just smuggle it, you're good at that kind of stuff."

"Okay princess, but I'm going to need your circlet, earrings, gloves, tights, and shoes." Link said simply. Zelda just sighed and gave Link all the stuff he had asked for. Winking Link slipped off.

The rest of the group turned to look at Bowser. He was passed out on the floor, looking very feminine. Peach sighed and pulled out a tube of lipstick.

"He needs work." She stated promptly, brandishing her tube of hot pink material. She leaned over Bowser and made some brandishing movements humming 'What I like about you' and swaying slightly.

Marth and Roy exchanges worried glances as Peach started to all out sing. When the mushroom princess straightened up, and the two swordsmen got a good look at Bowser, in his hot pink lip stick, they where even more horrified than before. Peach had also managed to put a lavender bow, which she had produced from nowhere, in his fiery red hair.

Zelda, looking very disturbed, patted Peach's head, "Um, right. Distractions?" She asked uneasily.

Peach leaned up and whispered something in Roy's ear.

"Peach," Roy cried, "Keep this PG, or K!"

Peach pouted. "Fine," she finally said, "I have another way of distracting people!" She then preceded over t the ordering counter and climbed on it.

"Uh-oh" Marth whispered to Donkey Kong. He was right.

Peach kicked off her shoes as some anonymous music came on. "And all that jazz!" she sang along with the song from Chicago, while doing a dance. Suddenly glittery lights came on and the whole McDonalds was quite, except for Peach. She took off her crown, pulled a beet form the ground, and spun it around her head. "Start the car, I know a wh-"

Men in black tights and blue t-shirts cut Peach short by grabbing her and caring her off. The distraction had worked, though, because at that very moment Link walked out from behind the counter Peach had been dancing on, looking utterly ridicules. He was wearing the garb he had stolen from Zelda and had, apparently, tucked all the food under his tunic. This resulted in him looking a lot like a pregnant woman.

Zelda, between laughing fits, said, "Okay, hee hee, now we can, haha, leave." Then she broke down entirely and had to be carried out.

At the door Marth checked to see that they where all there. Bowser had been revived, Peach was carried off, Link had Zelda, and Gannondorf…

"Where's Gannondorf?" Marth cried, causing Zelda to stop laughing and Link drop her on the floor. They both knew an unaccounted for crazy villain was never good.

An evil laugh suddenly split the air. Gannondorf appeared in a puff of smoke and started to throw energy balls in every direction. Link whipped out the Master Sword, but he didn't have to. The smoke continued to engulf him and in a flash of light he was gone and in his place stood…

"A pig!" Zelda cried, going back into her previous state of laughter.

"ONIK!" the pig that was formally Gannondorf squealed.

Link sighed and replaced the Master Sword. Shaking his head he hoisted Zelda off the ground, being careful not to smash the food. He turned towards the door and started walking. All of the sudden an explosion that made the ground shake.

Samus turned around to stare at what was formally Gannondorf. Needless to say, the explosion had something to do with him because he was now a chicken.

"Ba-gak!" The chicken/Gannondorf cried.

At this Zelda laughed so hard that she passed out, much to the relief of the other Smashers. Roy picked up the chicken and warily held it at arms distance. By this time the entire group of McDonald's costumers where looking uneasy.

"Guys I think we should leave," Mewtwo said, "Now."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Fox wined and sat down on the floor pouting.

"Bleep, beep, blipidy, beep." Mr. Game and Watch beeped. It roughly translated into "Fox there are flies here,"

It took a moment for the smashers to understand what had been said, but when they did there was plenty of action. Jiggily Puff was busy comforting Fox, who, in addition screaming, had managed to wet himself. On top of that Zelda was starting tow wake up.

"Wuzzup?" she slurred, fighting to maintain control of her voice. Apparently she was still trying to contain laughter.

"In a nut shell?" Link asked, finally figuring her could put her on her feet.

Zelda, one she was standing, nodded.

"Well Fox didn't want to leave, so he started pouting, the Game and Watch mentioned flies and he wet himself." Link summarized.

Zelda let out a snort-laugh, but managed to refrain from hysterics. While she was attempting to get a serious face on, Samus noticed something was wrong.

"Um, guys," she said nervously, "where did all the nice people's food go?"

Every suddenly gasped, in unison, realizing the their food was gone. Suddenly, Samus' question was answered. It started gradually, with quiet music. The tune was oddly familiar, Mario noted. Then he realized, with horror, what it was.

As 'All That Jazz' suddenly got much louder, bright neon lights started flashing. Out of the mist that had filled the McDonald's from some unknown source, the food appeared. They were all dresses in skimpy clothes and pole dancing on straws. Then the Smashers' question as to why this madness was happening was answered.

"And all…" Peach screamed/sung very off key, suddenly materializing out of the mist as well, "that…" The men in black tights appeared, singing as well, "JAAAAAAAAAZ!"

Everyone was silent for roughly five minutes, and then slowly, someone started to clap. Others joined in, some even stood, until the whole restaurant was in an uproar. Samus an Captain Falcon exchanged freaked out looks, as the other Smashers joined the cheer that had swept through the McDonalds.

"Fish sticks, fish sticks, fish sticks…"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Samus asked.

A shrug was all she got in return.

A while later, the chaos had died down, the Smashers had eaten, and hey were standing in a parking lot.

"Now what?" Luigi asked

Suddenly Master Hand appeared. "You may come home now." He said.

The cheering was insane. Yoshi and Jiggily-Puff started dancing, Link and Zelda started making-out, and Gannondorf laid an egg. That was the end of the Smashers adventures in the real world for a long time!

AN/ Not as long as the first one, but probably as random. Thank you for all who reviewed the first chapter!


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